Thursday, July 16, 2009

GOP Gov Stuns Nation By Leading Remotely Interesting Life

Apologies to the Tonight Show

Marshall Clement Sanford, son of Marshall Clement Sanford,

(1)was born to a middle-class family in Florida,
(2)earned bachelor's and master degrees in business,
(3)worked as a student for Goldman Sachs,
(4)started his own successful leasing and brokerage firm,
(5)earned a 92 rating from the American Conservative Union during his days as a legislator, and
(6)transgressed against all his ostensible principles, cheated on his wife, and threw his gubernatorial responsibilites to the four winds by running off to South America and having a steamy, wildly passionate affair with a seductive, brilliant Argentine beauty.

It is a measure of the perversity of American values - and Republican values in particular - that the only one of Mr. Sanford's accomplishments people seem to think he should be ashamed of... the one thing in his bland, by-the-numbers, white-bread, white-guy existence that he - by any sane standards - ought to be proud of.